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The Beautiful Woman Syndrome: What is it? How does it affect them? How does it affect you? The beautiful woman syndrome will affect most men who pursue gorgeous women. However, most men won't recognize the symptoms of the beautiful woman syndrome, nor will they know how to effectively deal with it. Do you? Find out on www.bwsyndrome.com |
The Coolidge effect (and how to cure it) Q: My boyfriend claims that monogamy is so unnatural and inherently monotonous that sexual boredom is inevitable. He thinks this is why married couples are often “too tired” to have sex with each other, but not with new partners. Do you agree? A: You would lose much of your zest for eating if you ate the same foods at every meal (“Ugh. That . . . again?”), but this shouldn’t compel you to switch to a new grocery store, right? While it is true that passion does ebb for most couples, I don’t think that monogamy is the only culprit. Doing the same things repeatedly is boring. The “too tired” excuse would be used much less often if people always had something new to look forward to. However, people often get stuck in a rut and usually don’t hear, “Sweetheart, tonight we’ll try something that we’ve never done before.” Instead, you often know what your partner will do even before he or she does it. While trying new things can lessen sexual boredom, it cannot totally erase the urge that some people have for new partners. Thinking that the grass is always greener on the other side of the hill is so common that many people are compelled to check out the new territory even though they already have a very nice lawn. Furthermore, unless you have a vivid imagination or constantly search for new ideas, trying new things with one partner will only delay the inevitable. Passion will wane. It is interesting to compare human behavior with that of other species. In some, effortless monogamy is the norm. These little creatures aren’t tormented by guilt that restrains their natural impulses. They don’t depend on hearing admonitions from a little voice inside them saying that “it’s not nice to sleep around.” They just don’t do it and, as far as we can tell, they seem perfectly happy. Monogamy isn’t practiced by most animals for pragmatic reasons. Their last mate may have wandered a thousand miles away, been eaten last Tuesday, or may now be mounted on the wall of someone’s den. Nevertheless, monogamy is also not often found in species living in stable groups that are not plagued by predation. Why? According to what I learned in a college class that examined animal behavior from an evolutionary perspective, from the standpoint of transmitting your DNA, for males it pays to sleep around because that increases the likelihood of disseminating their genes to subsequent generations. For example, a male might have five offspring if he stuck with one mate, but 500 offspring if he had multiple partners. It is easy to see whose DNA will prevail over time. In the cold logic of evolution, men who had sex with many women left the most descendants. These men are predominantly our ancestors. Their genes are now our genes, and they say, “Sleep around.” And we do. What about females? The explanations I’ve heard are less obvious and compelling, but still plausible enough to clarify why monogamy is not necessarily the best strategy for females, too. I know this sounds terribly unromantic, but in terms of reproduction, transmitting your DNA to subsequent generations is what counts. As an aside, some otherwise baffling human behavior can be understood if it is analyzed from a DNA perspective. The “Coolidge effect” illustrates how novelty can be a powerful aphrodisiac. According to legend, President Calvin Coolidge and his wife visited a farm and toured it separately. Mrs. Coolidge observed a rooster copulating with a hen and asked how often he mated. The guide replied that it was several times per day, prompting the First Lady to say, “Please mention this to Mr. Coolidge.” When informed of the remark, the President asked, “Always with the same hen?” When told that it was a different one each time, he retorted, “Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge.” Thus, the Coolidge effect refers to the stimulative power of sexual novelty. It is operative in many species, including humans. It is interesting to explore some strategies that people use to combat this urge. For example, although a woman may have one outfit in which she thinks she looks best, she would rather wear something “new” than wear her favorite outfit every day. Or she may change to a hairstyle that is different, not better. Or she may alter her makeup or perfume. Men have another impetus that fuels their desire to sleep with new women. Unlike males in other species, men can read and engage in conversations. Sooner or later, many men learn from others — if they haven’t already discovered this on their own — that the sexual pleasure they can obtain from different women is not the same. Talk about variety! The intensity and nature of the pleasure are as varied as the colors in a rainbow. Humans seem to possess an innate desire for new things because newness is often equated with superiority. So we want new cars, homes, furniture, clothes, computers, boats, snowmobiles, and whatnot. Couple this endless desire for newness with the “grass is greener” belief, and it is no wonder that many men, having heard from other males that the grass IS greener, have an irrepressible urge for exploring the sexual delights of new partners. It may be worse, but it also may be better. Much better. Who can resist the temptation? Judging from statistics, most of us cannot. Offhand, I’d guess that only one woman in ten has a vagina that would knock men’s socks off, but that is a sufficient inducement for men to try. I ardently believe that knowledge is power. I don’t think it does much good to lament the shortcomings of humans without offering solutions. In The Science of Sex, I presented numerous ways to spice up sex so that even monogamy can be exciting. For example, when a woman uses the Vag-TTS, her vagina will feel remarkably different to her partner. He will have never felt anything like it before, even if he previously slept with thousands of women. Similarly, women who use the Vag-TTS will experience pleasures during intercourse that could never be duplicated by the sexual variety that people obtain from sleeping around. Hence, I think the search for what’s new and better can be fulfilled in a monogamous relationship. Incidentally, what is presented in the current edition of The Science of Sex is just the tip of the iceberg; I have countless new things to add. (Anyone who purchases this book from me is eligible for free lifetime upgrades to the latest e-book edition.) What I have to offer now is certainly more than what is presented by other authors. This is why I can promise a money-back guarantee to anyone who buys The Science of Sex from me if the reader finds another book that covers everything in my book. The discussions of sexual pleasure, performance, attraction, and desire in The Science of Sex will give you a fresh perspective on old topics and present some subjects that you’ve likely never thought of. You will likely be impressed by the current book, but I think that you will fall off your chair in utter amazement when you read about some of the additions that I have planned for future editions. One of these breakthroughs offers a surefire cure for sexual boredom. It will revolutionize sex as much as the transistor transformed the world of computing. Intrigued? Stay tuned. Very intrigued and hoping to strike it rich by investing in it? Contact me. Or e-mail me if you are a television producer looking for a new show that will have viewers on the edges of their seats as they tune in every week to discover exciting innovations and spellbinding information. Feedback on the above topic: Dear Dr. Pezzi, I am a religious leader, so you might be surprised to see me write in support of your frank discussions of sexuality. However, I was struck by the irony that a sex author could do something (help people remain monogamous) that could not be done by countless clergyman delivering countless sermons. We try to guide people down the correct moral path, but often fail. God gave you the wisdom to see what others cannot, and therefore to be of unique value to humanity as we struggle to do what is right. As a doctor, I am sure you realize the damage inflicted by infidelity. It destroys marriages and therefore often deprives children of a stable family life. Anything that helps people keep their marital vows is commendable. May God bless you and your endeavors.
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